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Love after...

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Is it possible that there is someone for me? Especially now under this new circumstance? Certainlyy someone who is negative would have nothing to do with me, I mean honestly, before my diagnosis I would keep miles away from a positive person. Funny how things work. 

Ive been abstaining from sex for the last 8 months since my diagnosis. Suddenly I find myself wanting, even desperate for anothers touch. Is there anybody out there? It has become very lonely in my world. I used to be the life of the party. Very social and never a problem in my sex life. Im different now. I dont like me anymore and im not at all okay with my world. What do I do? Ive considered the options and the onnly one that makes perfect sense is to hit myself with 3 points of heroin and sleep it all away. Very enticing. I was speaking with my mental health worker about a month ago just before I went into the hospital under a form 3, and I mentioned suicide as a viable option and he said to me, "but you have so much to live for and going for you." I laughed and then cried. I said,"oh yeah?" Tell me 3 things Ive got to live for and going for me." He hung his head and I hung mine as I was hit with a hard dose of truth. I have nothing to live for and Ive got nothing going for me. In fact, if I were to ask 10 proffessionals not bouded by any code of ethics or creed to tell me honestly if I should kill myself or not. 8 would probably say," I would if I were you." What the fuck! How did it come to this? How could I have been so careless?

Incase you are wondering, I became infected by accidentally sticking myself with my bestfriends needle. I didnt know he was positive and we used drugs together for 3 years. Im angry that he didnt ever tell me considering the dangers of drug injection and the odds of an accidental prick but at the end of the day its my own fault. I should have been more careful and not so niave.


Posted on Jan 11, 2019 at 02:06 PM 2 Likes Reply / Add Comments Quote Report
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I’ve been HIV for 11 years now and for 11 years i didn’t have sex. I was so angry at myself for having so much trust in a person and when we think about it that’s all it boils down to is that we trust someone who we shouldn’t trust and that’s how we end up with hiv or how I ended up with it at a very young age. 

 

After 11 years I finally forgave myself and the person who gave it to me because I was still angry I was upset I wanted to kill myself as well and tried to many times, I didn’t see any point of living anymore I really didn’t. My family has given me so much love over those 11 years to give me meaning to want to stay alive and live. 

 

11 years has went by and no sex I would always talk to someone and then block them once it came to telling them I was HIV infected. What I want in a man doesn’t come to me because I am HIV positive, so many people turn their backs on me for being positive. I did the same thing before I was HIV positive, I stop talking to someone when they told me they were so I agree with you it’s funny how it works now the page is turned on me and I now know how it feels to be HIV positive and be rejected. 

 

I’ve been through so much I had big plans for myself before I got HIV I wanted to do so much and be so much but it changed and I got confused and got angry and no longer wanted the things I use to want. Now I am on a different path and I believe that everything happens for a reason. I’m a better me now and everyday I grow so much and and I love it! 

 

You have to accept that you have HIV, you have to forgive your best friend and forgive yourself so that you can find your new path and keep moving on, it’s going to be hard but once it’s done your going to feel a lot better about who you are and about having HIV. We all move at our own pace and we all learn in different ways. I believe you can do it. 

 

HIV isn’t the end of the world it’s actually a new start to becoming  a better you. 


Posted on Aug 25, 2019 at 05:38 PM Like Reply / Add Comments Quote Report
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there is always someone for another. I ask myself the same questions. this sis not a life sentence. it is a life of wellness. i was diagnosed in 99. guess what? I am doing exceptionally well. feel free to reach out if you are having a down day. i know what it is like to be new.


Posted on Aug 08, 2019 at 10:16 PM Like Reply / Add Comments Quote Report
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U have to have faith trust in god believe


Posted on Feb 17, 2019 at 11:49 PM Like Reply / Add Comments Quote Report